Woman Behind The Pulpit

Progressive No, I am not talking about the insurance company. I am talking about Christianity. Over the last few years, I have been in a very interesting state of faith. This state is called “deconstruction” and it is a state when a believer begins to seriously take apart what they have always been taught to believe. Not because they want to stop believing in God, but because, at some point in everyone’s life, they need to stop being told what to believe and develop what they do believe. Now, I have watched numerous friends approach this state of faith and walk away from the faith entirely—and that is devastating for me. Because I know that they have walked away from the truth. But the fact is, I get it—at least partially. You see, when a believer approaches this state of faith and they are surrounded by a supportive group of believers who recognize the need for each person to work out their own salvation, it is easy to stick with the faith we know and love—while working out what

When I was eight years old, I experienced God speak to me for the very first time. I remember, I was listening to my Bible on audiocassette and I felt the pull of God on my life strongly. I ran to my [now] adoptive mother and excitedly told her, “Mommy, God wants me to be a pastor when I grow up!” I distinctly remember her response because it was that response that drove the next eighteen years of my life. She smiled, and said, “Oh honey—” And you know the “Oh honey” that she said. It was the “Oh honey” that was saying, “There is no chance that you will ever live up to that dream—you are not capable of it.” But she continued. “Nicole, you can’t be a pastor. You’re a girl, and only men are allowed to be pastors. A girl pastor is just not done. The Bible even says so. It says that women must be silent in the church.” I never wanted to go against the Word of God, so I suppressed the call that I felt. For eighteen years, I kept reminding myself that God could not use me. God called men