Skip to main content

Displacement

As many of you know, my husband has recently started the position Senior Pastor. We uprooted and left the place where we brought my two youngest children home from the hospital. We left the people in our old church--the ones who may as well have been grandparents, aunts, and uncles to my children with how much they spoiled my kids. But we left filled with hope for this new season.

However, I haven't settled down yet. I feel anxious. We have been here almost two months and I still find myself dreading each new day. I have continuously prayed for contentment, and I have adopted a practice of "fake it til you make it" but you can only fake a smile for so long--eventually the mask wears off. Now, don't get me wrong. I love our new church. The people are incredible and I have already become friends with several of the women in our church--that is not the issue. I simply feel like I am in the wrong place.

Have you ever felt like that? Like even though all the circumstances are right, you just feel out of place? I love our new home. I love our new church. I love this town. But, no matter how hard I try, it doesn't feel like home. I simply feel displaced.

In the last week, this feeling of displacement has been so strong that I have literally lost sleep. I have had one full night of sleep since Sunday. I slept maybe an hour-and-a-half Sunday night. Monday night I didn't sleep at all until 7am (and then I slept until about 9am). Tuesday night I didn't sleep at all--and I was awake until 11:30pm on Wednesday. I ended up waking up at 7am today. So I did get 8 hours last night. But you get the issue.

I have started dreading each new day because there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I have no idea why I feel this way or how long this feeling will last. I don't have any point to look forward to and say "well, I know that this is going to help me feel like this is the right place." Instead, I simply feel displaced.

I can honestly say, I have never felt this way. I mean, there have been elements in my life that I knew were not quite a good fit, but I have never felt so completely outside of "the right place" before. It's just difficult.

Anyways, sorry for the rant. Just had to get my thoughts out.

Comments

  1. Nicole! I am so sorry to hear your having such a hard time! I have been in that place before. It is truly a hard season. Sometimes God reveals things to us way in advance. Sometimes our enemy tries to keep our eyes off of the blessing God has for us. What ever the case is for you know I will be praying for you! Praying God gives you rest. As a pastors wife going on 20 years ministry life can be hard. Especially in the mist of change! Trusting God to give you the peace you need !

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello sweet lady. Give yourself some time! Two months is certainly not long enough. I completely understand where you are coming from. We moved to a very small town over a year ago and the entire first year was a huge adjustment for me. We had to get through all of the hard 'firsts'... birthdays, holidays.. without being in the place that we had always known as home. It's not an easy adjustment, and its so easy to feel like an outsider stepping into a congregation of people who have already been together. The 'honeymoon' period fades out fast, and everyone gets back to their normal lives, but you still have a new life and have to find out how to navigate that. God will minister to you through this,and you will be so much stronger on the other side! Take it as a chance to find what he is trying to show you through various trials. I also enjoy 'homemaking' and making this new place home. It's so hard, so please don't beat yourself up! We are human and we are Mamas and its hard for us to adjust to new places! I'm praying for you, and we other PW's are always here for you!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why We Won't "Go Home" -- An Open Letter To John MacArthur

Dear John,

My social media newsfeed has been blowing up in light of your recent statement about Beth Moore. You mocked Beth Moore (and other women leaders) by telling her to "Go home." Well, sir, we will not.

You see, John, when a person is called--whether man or woman--to speak God's word, they become unable to stay silent. Jeremiah 20:9 states:

But if I say, “I will not mention his word
or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.

John, Beth Moore cannot go home any more than you can. Why? Because God has called her. He has taken her by the hand and led her into the purpose he created her for. She must speak! And as a minister of the Freeing Gospel of Christ, you should be affirming her and not tearing her down. 
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who lis…

The Good Fight

My husband was recently contacted by a fellow pastor on a popular networking site. This pastor told my husband that he believed that the KJV Bible was the only Bible that was able to be used by God and that if my husband did not agree, he was wrong, and was a heretic.
A friend of mine who is a co-pastor with her husband, was approached by a woman on Facebook who told her that it is against the word of God for a woman to be a pastor to anyone other than women or children (never mind the various women that God used to minister to men throughout the Bible). This woman cited two verses which she felt made her point but ignored the cultural context of those verses and said that any woman who preaches goes against God.
Another situation occurred when a pastor’s wife with whom I am acquainted reached out because she is dealing with Postpartum Depression. Rather than sharing love, another pastor’s wife told her that depression is “all in your head”. That it’s not real and a "good Christian…

The *Real* Proverbs 31 Woman

I remember shortly after my oldest daughter turned 6 months old, I began looking for a job to help make ends meet at home. My husband was working overtime hours and as soon as he would clock-out, we would head to the neighboring town and work at the church until late into the night, so I decided it was time to contribute.

That was when the opinions came in.
That was when the pastor told us his views.
A woman’s place is in the home.
Referencing Proverbs 31, the pastor of our church at the time made his opinion of me working outside the home very clear.
In his mind, I was sinning.
And, actually, this is a very common view within the general Church today. The man needs to be the bread-winner, the spiritual leader, the head of the household. That is how I had always grown up.
Several years after struggling with needing to find a job, I was in a similar situation. Only this time Jason was the associate pastor at another church, and due to his secular job being shady in their dealings, h…